Adam Małysz – The Flying Moustache

KRAKOW TOURS – Ski-jumper extraordinaire, the diminutive and mustachioed Adam Malysz, is preparing for a farewell bonanza this weekend in Zakopane, Poland’s winter capital.

The multi-medal-winning sportsman, who is the only ski-jumper to have won the World Cup three times in a row, announced his retirement from the sport earlier this month.

Known internationally as ‘The Flying Moustache’ and ‘The Polish Batman’, the slight sportsmen combined a gentle, modest manner with ski-surfing feats that saw him snap up 4 Olympic medals and 7 from the World Championships.

As many as 40,000 fans are expected to descend on Zakopane this weekend, with the main attractions scheduled for Saturday 26th.

Special trains services are being laid on to help accommodate the numbers, and fake moustaches are being prepared for those not able to sport the real McCoy this Saturday.

‘I had been kind of planning to shave off the moustache,’ said Malysz, ‘but what with this action coming about, well, it would be stupid to do so.’

Besides a host of international stars who’ll be joining Malysz on the jumps, a number of pop and folk bands will be letting rip to entertain revellers. Groups such as Wilki, Papa D. Zakopower and Brathanki are all expected.

Likewise a special tribute song, entitled ‘We’re jumping for you’, has been rustled up, courtesy of Patrycja Markowska, Kasia Wilk, Piotr Cugowski oraz Grzegorz Skawiński.

Tatra Beer is big problem for the Slovakians – sorry I mean Bear

KRAKOW TOURS – A large bear is rampaging on the Polish-Slovakian border, in the Tatra National Park (TPN), and has already attacked some horses and two lumberjacks, one on either side of the border.

The Slovakians have apparently issued orders to shoot the animal if found on their side of the mountains, but the Poles have a more humane approach to the problem. Workers from the TPN have prepared a special cage which they hope to lure the aggressive mammal into.

“If he goes into the cage, we’ll put him to sleep for a while, carry out some genetic testing, establish its sex, age and weight, attach a collar and then wake him up and let him go. Then we’ll know from an online signal where the bear is to an accuracy of 5m,” park director Pawel Skawinski told reporters.

This will enable TPN workers to manage the animal and enable them to warn tourists and mountain walkers away from areas where the bear is active. In extreme circumstances, park officers are ready to use plastic bullets against the marauding beast. “He won’t be killed by us,” Skawinski guaranteed.

The park director has three hypotheses as to why the animal is behaving so aggressively: either the bear is injured, or it has been fed by people and no longer fears them, or – an extremely rare occurrence – the bear is a natural born killer.

Winter Bites Back

KRAKOW TOURS - While the rest of Poland is enjoying the onset of spring, Zakopane was plunged back into winter this Monday evening as heavy snow fell, bringing down power lines and leaving thousands without power. By Tuesday morning 10cm of snow lay on the streets of Zakopane, taking locals and tourists by surprise.

The tourists in particular were pleased by the unexpected turn of events and lost no time at all in strapping on their skis.

“Wonderful powder, there’s nothing like skiing on fresh powder snow,” commented one happy skier.

Those heading into the mountains though are being warned to take extra care and a level three avalanche warning is in place. Due to the typical spring weather conditions, warm in the day leading to a slight thaw, then refreezing at night, the danger of avalanches is particularly high. Inexperienced walkers should stay away and those who do take therisk need to ensure they are equipped with crampons, avalanche detectors, probes, shovels and the like.