A Polish Wedding….. All you need to know.
KRAKOW TOURS– Polish wedding season is almost upon us. More and more foreigners are marrying Poles or getting invited to Polish friend’s weddings and there are things these people need to know. In this definitive survival guide to Polish weddings I will cover every potential pitfall, misunderstanding and health risk I’ve uncovered. Comparisons are made with British Weddings, the rest of you will have to wing it.
1. Read your invitation carefully
In Poland it is quite possible to be invited to the wedding but not the wedding party. In fact it’s more common to be invited to the ceremony than to the party.
Many Poles are still attached to the quaint notion that the union of two people in holy matrimony is a significant event that people might want to witness rather than a slightly tedious prelude to a booze up. Shocking I know, but there it is. If your invitation mentions “ślub” that’s the tedious prelude part. If it mentions “ślub” and “wesele” put on your best drinking shoes and pat yourself on the back, you’re going to a party.
2. The missing groom
In a British wedding ceremony the groom arrives at the church first and waits at the altar with his best man for the bride to be escorted down the aisle by her father or nearest equivalent. It’s a tradition that allows for all kinds of hilarious church-based shenanigans such as the groom fainting from stress or the best man passing out from alcohol poisoning. It’s also frequently used as a dramatic device in the kind of movies where brides decide not to turn up at the last minute. In Poland the bride and groom arrive at the church at the same time and walk down the aisle together, sometimes in leg irons. If you’re waiting in the church and notice the groom is missing don’t get excited, he’s coming. Expectations of a thrilling ‘jilted-at-the-altar’ scenario are unlikely to be met.
3. Polish best man – the world’s easiest job
Expectations of the best man at a Polish wedding are not high. The ability to walk in a more-or-less straight line and hold some envelopes are sufficient qualifications. Polish best men do practically nothing. He walks behind the bride and groom down the aisle along with the bridesmaid and then sits down. That’s pretty much it. Best men are often also witnesses, but not always. In a British wedding it is the responsibility of the best man to bring the ring (note, only one ring) and hand it over at the appropriate moment, another tradition that provides limitless opportunities for humor. Not so in the Polish service – the rings are already there in a holy cubby hole of some kind.
If you’re ever asked to be best man at a Polish wedding do not hesitate. No responsibilities, no speeches (more on this later), a definite invitation to the party and a guaranteed woman to go with. You can’t lose.
4. Throwing money around and sealed brown envelopes
On exiting the church the happy couple are traditionally showered with handfuls of loose change. They are then expected to pick it all up. Starting out on married life groveling around on the pavement for pennies like bums is, apparently, lucky. If you ever find yourself in this position I suggest bringing an umbrella which you can smoothly invert to catch the bulk of the incoming coinage.
Immediately following this potentially painful and humiliating indoctrination into marital finances everybody lines up to pay their respects to the couple and hand them wads of cash. Three kisses on the cheek and flowers for the bride, a handshake and an envelope full of money to the groom. I’m told the going rate is about 200 zloty. The bride hands her flowers to her bridesmaid, who needs to have forearms like tree trunks, and the groom hands the envelopes full of money to the best man, who needs to have moderately large pockets (I told you this job was easy).
5. The salt and the bread
Off to the party, which might be in a wedding hall, a restaurant, or somebody’s back garden. On arrival everybody gets a drink and the bride and groom get salt and bread. Again, if you ever find yourself in this situation, don’t panic – it’s just symbolic, it doesn’t mean you’re only getting salt and bread for the rest of the evening. One or other of the parents who’s job it is to provide the bread and salt may make a short speech and start blubbing at this point.
6. Songs, songs, songs
Immediately following the salt and the bread business all Poles in the vicinity will break into song. The song is known as “Sto lat” (”100 years”) and is the same song you will hear sung at birthday parties, presidential inaugurations and, in extreme cases, the opening of a tin of sardines. Here are the words — you’re going to hear them a lot in the next few hours:
Sto lat, sto lat,
Niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam.
Sto lat, sto lat,
Niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam,
Jeszcze raz, jeszcze raz, niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam,
Niech żyje/żyją nam!
which translates roughly into English as:
A hundred years, a hundred years,
We want him/her/them to live.
A hundred years, a hundred years,
We want him/her/them to live,
Once again, once again, we want him/her/them to live,
We want him/her/them to live.
7. First dinner, first dance
Once the singing has died down everybody sits down to the first meal. Note my use of the word ‘first’ here. There may be additional singing in the form of traditional demands for the bride and groom to kiss like alien face-huggers, but there’s nothing important going on there that you need to worry about. Immediately following the first meal the newlyweds are invited to embarrass themselves horribly by performing the first dance.
8. A lot more dinners
I often advise people going to Polish weddings to beware of the amount of food they will be required to consume. “There will be a lot of food” I say “I mean, really a lot.” “Oh good” they say. I shake my head and hold my tongue. A few days later I see them again and they say “Why didn’t you tell us there would be so much!” “I did!” I say “I tried to warn you.” “My god” they say with the horror of recollection in their eyes “I didn’t know there was that much food…”
This is how it works. Immediately after the first toast you will sit down to an excellent meal of something roasted, with vegetables and potatoes and a side salad preceded by soup. You will eat this and then help yourself to the various cakes, cold meats, breads etc. scattered liberally about the table. At this point you will be completely stuffed and saying to yourself “Hey, that guy was right, there really was a lot of food, but I could handle it.” You will probably be quite satisfied with yourself and think me a moaning minnie with the food handling capacity of a small rodent. About an hour later the waiters will be bearing down on you with exactly the same thing all over again. An hour after that they will be back again. By now you’ll be feeling the fear. Fortunately there are only three or four more courses to go, each one the size of a hearty Sunday dinner. And then cake.
Do not attempt to eat everything served to you. You will die. You have to regard the food as symbolic. It’s a symbol of wealth and plenty, an overwhelming feast for the happy event, it’s not an actual meal.
9. The vodka situation
Vodka is a big deal at Polish weddings. Talk of who is going to buy the vodka and where they are going to get it begins at least six months before people start considering less significant details such as wedding dresses or who to marry. Presumably there was a time when vodka was in short supply or had to be manufactured in the woods because, as far as I can see, the entire problem can me solved in a ten minute trip to the local supermarket. However, I digress.
Assuming the vodka is there and, to be honest, the wedding would have been canceled if it wasn’t there are a few things you should know. Vodka is only drunk collectively. Glasses are filled, somebody proposes a toast, vodka is drunk, and glasses are refilled in readiness for the next toast. There’s no casual solitary sipping. It’s all or nothing every time. Sometimes it will be a special wedding vodka prepared according to a traditional recipe known only to 84-year-old uncle Bogdan. These are often sweet and pleasant tasting but can still kill an elephant at 20 paces. Do not be tempted to fill in the time between toasts with a beer or a glass of wine, that way lies very messy but dimly recalled madness.
10. Throwing bouquets and ties
The throwing of the bouquet will be familiar to British readers and it has the same function at a Polish wedding, except that it takes place at the party and not outside the church. The difference at a Polish wedding is that it is taken much more seriously. In the half an hour before the tossing of the bouquet is due you’ll notice a gradual but complete evacuation of the building by all unmarried females over the age of about 24. To be 25 or older and still in that circle around the bride is a powerful shame.
Unlike men at British weddings Polish men also get the chance to make utter fools of themselves scrambling after discarded clothing. The groom’s tie is the sought after item in this case. By this time of the night any male who is still able to stand, regardless of age, is considered a good catch.
11. Proper dancing
Dancing is also a big deal a Polish weddings. It’s the women’s vodka. The first time I went to a Polish wedding my girlfriend said “You know there will be dancing, don’t you?” “Well yes” I said “that’s normal.” I had in mind the vague individual flailing around that every self-respecting Brit regards as dancing. Not so. Proper dancing is expected. In pairs, with feet and everything. Dancing schools make a killing in Poland.
12. Midnight cake
The cake is cut and distributed to the groaning overstuffed guests at midnight. Or at some other random time. Then they wheel in an entire roasted cow just in case anybody is feeling peckish. Knocking off time will probably be sometime around 3 or 4 in the morning.
13. The two-day wedding
It is true that Polish weddings sometimes go on for two days. The second day is known as “poprawiny” and you’re most likely to come across it at a traditional village affair. At first the idea of a party that goes on for two days sounds quite appealing to the average Brit. By the fifth course of the first night the idea becomes less attractive. The first time I went to a two-day wedding I imagined a Bacchanalian blow-out that would literally go on for 48 hours. In fact the truth is less terrifying. On the first night everybody goes home in the early hours of the morning, sleeps for 10 hours, then comes back and does the whole thing all over again minus the tedious mucking about in church.
The second night is traditionally much more relaxed than the first. It’s a no-holds-barred party to celebrate the fact that the previous night’s party went well, or to rectify the fact if it didn’t. Boys are sorted from men.
Enjoy!
For a fantastic wedding photographer in Southern Poland have a look at Lukasz Lisiecki’s website.
Krakow Wedding Picture – National Geographic
This Month in Photo of the Day: City Pictures
Kazimierz, the historical Jewish quarter of Krakow, provides a colorful backdrop for an impromptu wedding shoot. “This wonderful place is the Jewish district,” Your Shot contributor G. Dzhevelieva says. “It keeps so much paint and history between the streets. Nowadays it’s the most interesting art place in Poland.”
via Wedding Picture –- Poland Photo — National Geographic Photo of the Day.
FOOTBALL: Republic of Ireland vs Poland
As a result of the massive impact that the Irish fans had during their visit to Poland for the Euro 2012 tournament, there will be plenty of friendly matches between the 2 countries over the next few years. The first of these is on 6th February in Ireland.
At Krakow Tours we will try to keep you up to date with all the news of this and future fixtures.
Norwich City winger Anthony Pilkington is one of five uncapped players in the Republic of Ireland’s provisional squad for the 6 February game with Poland.
The maiden call-up is recognition for Pilkington who has impressed for his club over the past two seasons.
West Ham keeper Stephen Henderson and Derby trio Richard Keogh, Jeff Hendrick and Conor Sammon are the others hoping to win first caps.
Giovanni Trapattoni has named a largely inexperienced squad for the friendly.
Aston Villa defender Richard Dunne has been included, but a final decision on his availability will be made closer to the match as he has not played this season because of groin and hip problems.
The Republic manager was not at the planned squad announcement in Dublin on Monday following the death of his 81-year-old sister Romilde.
“I have decided to use this friendly game as an opportunity to work with younger players to see their potential,” said Trapattoni through an FAI media release.
“We saw a number of strong performances from our younger players in the second half of last year and we intend to build from those strong foundations.
“I look forward to working with these players and seeing what they have to offer.”
There is still plenty of experience in the squad with the likes of Dunne, Sunderland defender John O’Shea and Wolves striker Kevin Doyle, but there is no place for record cap holder Shay Given.
The Villa keeper, who retired after winning the last of his 125 caps in last summer’s European Championships, has had a change of heart due to his lack of club action but is still struggling with a hamstring injury.
Given could well return for the World Cup qualifying double header against Sweden and Austria in March, which is likely to prove crucial for the Republic’s chances of making the finals in Brazil.
Provisional Repubic of Ireland squad: Westwood (Sunderland), Forde (Millwall), Henderson (West Ham), Coleman (Everton), O’Shea (Sunderland), O’Dea (Toronto), McShane (Hull), Ward (Wolves), Clark (Aston Villa), Dunne (Aston Villa), Keogh (Derby), Cunningham (Bristol City), Pilkington (Norwich), Hendrick (Derby), McCarthy (Wigan), Meyler (Hull), Whelan (Stoke), Keogh (Millwall), McGeady (Spartak Moscow), McClean (Sunderland), Brady (Hull), Hoolahan (Norwich), Doyle (Wolves), Cox (Nottm Forest), Walters (Stoke), Long (West Brom), Sammon (Derby).
Teetotal weddings in Poland ???
KRAKOW TOURS – A traditional Polish wedding party includes a free flow of alcohol. But there is an increasing trend in Poland of newly weds deciding to have alcohol free wedding receptions, with one-in-ten being teetotal.
In 1986, Archbishop of Krakow Franciszek Macharski wrote a letter in which he condemned drunkenness at weddings calling it “a plague”. In response, Priest Wladyslaw Zazel from the south-eastern region of Podbeskidzie asked his parishioners to stop stocking vodka or other alcoholic beverages at weddings and funerals.
The priest also came up with the idea to encourage people to stay sober during important family events. He created a Book of Non-Alcoholic Weddings, which bares the names of newly weds who decided to organize a wedding reception without alcohol. And the practice seems to be catching on.
In 2009, every tenth wedding in Poland was alcohol free, reports Dziennik Polski.
On the first page of the book there is an entry by Pope John Paul II: “Such initiatives should not be ridiculed or played down. The stake here is too high. It is worth to go against the flow, against the social habit and shallow public opinion.”
Two famous Polish folk musicians from the Golec brothers band are included on the list containing 300 names.
Those who declare that they will organize a non-alcoholic wedding need to pay a deposit and if they fail to fulfill the promise they lose money to the benefit of the church. On the other hand, if they keep the promise the priest pays them twice the deposit.
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